The Sandra's Story

Today I did all my per- surgery stuff {chest x-ray, ekg, blood work, talk to anest.}. This is so real!!, how could this happen to me? Me, the one everyone come to for advise, Me, the one who always fix all troubles that life throws. For the first time can't do a damn thing to stop this surgery or fix my own problem.Let me start from the beginning and tell you about me, so you can understand why me having this tumor is so hard. I am the oldest of 5 children, raised by a single parent, my mom. My father died when I was 2 yrs old & my sister was 1. I always had to overcome so many obstacles. Growing up I didn't have alot and I wanted more out of life. I am the first and only one in my immediate family to grad. high school. My mom didn't make me go to school, I had the drive to achieve my own goals. My sisters & brothers dropped out of school. As a senior in high school I gaved birth to my son & began life as a single mom. After I grad. I walked 20 mins everyday to work rain or shine for a year, until I got enough money for a used car. I was never the type to sit down and make up excuses , or just except things for what it was. I knew that no one owed me anything , I was the only one that could change my life, so I went out and got it. I later met my husband, & 4 yrs later came my daughter. I went to college for 4 yrs and a couple of mths ago grad. as an RN. My final goal is to become an anesthetist.I never excepted failure or defeat, now I find myself battling this nasty tumor, and I feel so defeated. That is why I am so mad because I hate feeling so helpless. This was no suppose to happen to me, not me Sandra the Almighty. Let me tell you a little secret about me, I have a big pride problem. I know, one would say" Just get over it, and be prepared for whatever life throws your way, after all you're in the health care profession." And I say " It's not that easy, it kills me to the core, just the thought of me without my bottom teeth for almost 2 yrs, it hurt me just the thought of my gum, teeth, & bone being riped out of my mouth." Words can't describe how I feel. I feel like my back is against a wall and I been pushed so far back ,that I can't go back anymore. I just feel like crying a river. I think I need a counsel because I haven't had surgery yet and it already took a tow on me. Well I will be under the knife @ 5:00am, Aug.-1-2008. This day starts the beginning of my battle with ameloblastoma.This is the SANDRA'S STORY.